


I See You

by baeberiibungh



Series: We Are Alive [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Blackmail, Blood, Cas is Human, Cas is a minor, Character Death, Choking, Cuts, Dean is not, Dom/sub overtones, Dramatic, F/F, F/M, Forced, Gags, Gangbang, HIV positive, Homophobic Language, Hospitals, Humilation, I am so sorry i am so bad at tagging, I really am sorry, Incest, John Winchester Being an Asshole, John's A+ Parenting, Kidnapping, M/M, Manipulating, Mental Abuse, No Hunting, Physical Abuse, Rape, Roadtrip, Sexual Abuse, Stomach Pumping, Verbal Abuse, Welts, Writer Dean, bites, blowjob, can't beliv i actually finished this., couselling, non-con, overtly dramatic, photographer cas, spidergags, suicide attemps, tropey, unresponsive Cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-05
Updated: 2015-03-12
Packaged: 2018-03-16 12:36:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 14,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3488510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baeberiibungh/pseuds/baeberiibungh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John is a abusive bastard. Dean escapes and find Cas, equally broken, equally used. This is their story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. No Escape

**Author's Note:**

> I always hold that John was one hell of an abusive manipulator. Sure he 'did the best he could', 'did it for his sons' and shit but they were excuses at best. My this version of John is much more abusive than the canon one, as he sexually abuses his sons in addition to the physical, emotional and mental abuse. Castiel is human, from an equally abusive situation. It is going to get very dark in the middle. Castiel is a minor and while Dean is older he is similarly vulnerable and I am major thrash for thinking up this story thank you.

John Winchester was not a happy man. Dean ran away from him with the Impala, a few weeks after Sam left for good. Now that one was one huge waste of space. Sam never learned to respect his father or listen to him, Dean did. But now he was gone and John would find him, find him and bring him back to where he belonged.

***********************************************************************

Dean sat huddled at the counter while he sipped the cup of hot coffee slowly. It has been two weeks since he left Dad. He still couldn’t believe that he managed to get away. For the first two days Dean was hyper aware of anyone near him, convinced that John was after him. And Dean knew that if John caught him, he would return on his own, he won’t be able to say no as he almost never learned to say no to his dad.

It was late autumn, the wind picking up and chilly. Dean took his meager stash when he left John, and it had been enough for gas and food but no shelter. He will have to take up hustling again, or maybe even sell his ass pretty soon. It was getting too cold to spend the nights in the impala anymore. Still, he had to count himself lucky. The impala had been home for a long time even before he left John.

Dean looked over his shoulder around the place. It was half full with people. He noticed a small boyish looking guy to his right. He too was nursing a small cup of coffee and savoring it. He had only a thin shirt on underneath a lumpy beige jacket that did not quite fit him. The jacket looked dirty to Dean and the face that was peering over the collar of the jacket was thin. Dean could see that his lips were chapped from two seats away and he was sure that the boy was definitely starving, maybe from how he was holding the cup or just the vibe he was giving.

Dean looked at him and decided that he had enough money to give some to a stranger. He scooted one seat over and called out to the guy, “Hey.”

The guy flinched, before turning to face Dean. Dean saw that he was indeed a boy, no older than 16 to his 22 and with blue eyes that sparkled in despair, as if he was getting ready to cry. Dean was suddenly glad that he decided to feed the guy, he looked too bad.

“Do you want a burger? My treat.”

The boy opened and closed his mouth for a few seconds and then nodded his head. So Dean called over the lady who was taking orders at the counter and ordered 4 burgers with fries and two cokes. When their orders were placed before them, Dean pushed half the stuff to the boy who looked at Dean with suspicion as if he thought that Dean was not serious or that he would take the stuff away anyway.

When Dean picked up one of his own burgers, and started eating it, the boy picked up one too and slyly bit into it. The whole burger was gone in five more bites.

“Hey, slow down buddy,” said Dean as he saw the boy pick up the other burger.

“Yes. Sorry. These just make me very happy,” said the boy in a grave voice that was very gravelly. He certainly ate the second one much slower.

Still he was done before Dean, so he passed his chips to the boy who ate them up with a look of total bliss on his face. Dean let him have half his coke as well.

Done with dinner, Dean paid the bill and stood up to walk out. The boy stood up too. “My name is Castiel,” he supplied. “I am Dean.”

With a nice pat on his shoulder, Dean walked out to his impala. Wondering what Castie-Cas was doing now, he looked back and had to take a quick step away when he saw that he had followed Dean and was standing just behind him. His heart was hammering in his chest. This is what he gets for being kind, Dad was right, the whole world is out to get you, and this is how Dean will die, over a few measly dollars and the car by the guy who he fed. He didn’t carry his gun on him now and o what a fool he had been.

All this while, Cas hasn’t moved a bit and is fidgeting on the spot. He has the hem of his jacket rumpled in his hands and is twisting it in his hands. He saw Dean grope his back and thinks that he is going to be killed now, this is just his luck as ever. Still, he has to do something. So he breathes out “Thank you for the meal” at Dean and waits to be shot.

Dean hears his voice and stills. He turns completely and goes to Cas, standing as near to him as he can. Cas is shaking and he trembles out, “Please don’t kill me, I will do anything you want. I just wanted to say thank you. I am very sorry. Please.” He is full out bawling by the end, fat tear drops cascading his face and making him look even younger.

Dean puts a hand on the boy’s head, who is a feet shorter than him and says, “Hey buddy it’s ok, I wasn’t gonna kill you I swear hey hey it ok, come here.” Dean pulls Cas into him and Cas holds onto him quickly, fingers panicky as he clutches on to Dean’s back and cries into his shoulder. With some more shushing noises, Dean starts rubbing his hair and this seems to calm Cas a bit. Sometime later, he has stopped crying although he is still hiccoughing morosely. He is still holding onto Dean as Dean is holding him back.

“Do you have anywhere to stay Cas?” Dean asks the body he is holding. The head shakes a negative. “Do you wanna stay the night with me?”

At this Cas looks up at Dean and hics a simple yes. His eyes are lined with tears and his face very pale and Dean is pulling Cas after him to the impala while internally trying to find out what just happened. He himself was surviving on dregs, he couldn’t afford to take on someone else. But his hand on Cas stayed firm and both bundled inside the car. Dean drove away from the diner to the main road from where he took some turns through some smaller roads. This led him onto a field on the edge of a huge forest and he parked the car into a nook he had been using for some time now.

He opened the door and climbed in the back seat. Cas was looking at him with huge blue eyes, looking so much younger. Dean arranged the blankets that he kept in the backseat and laid himself onto it so that he would have enough to cover himself as well. Then he looked at Cas, who was looking sad but not crying yet. Dean spread his hands, and said, “Climb over Cas.”

Cas jumped over the seat and burrowed into Dean’s chest. Cas was very light in spite of his age and Dean promised to make some money and feed him a few more meals before releasing him into the wild. He slid to his side and tucked Cas to him so that he was half on Dean and half on the seat. Then he nicely covered them both with the blankets and tried to sleep. Both were snoring slightly in minutes.


	2. Morning Matters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas wakes Dean up and both look for a job.

Dean wakes up feeling pleasant. Someone is doings something very nice to his cock. He opens his eyes and sees that dawn is breaking. He is immediately shocked to find Cas sucking him off with his eyes closed. He must have made a noise because Cas opens his eyes and stares unwaveringly at Dean while his tongue licks and cheeks suck. Dean puts both of his hand on Cas’s head to pull him away, when Cas goes deeper, his nose in dean’s pubes and Dean is no longer pushing but pulling his face to his crotch even more.

Having been very rarely at the receiving end of a blowjob, Dean thinks he is in heaven as Cas’s throat works overtime to please Dean some more. It seems he has no gag reflex. Not to mention he had been holding himself steady as Dean has pulled him. He should be out of breadth by now but there is not one line of protest in Cas’s slack body as Dean fucks his face. So Dean pulls out his cock and plunges it into the wet heat of Cas’s throat again. Saliva strings are hanging off his face as Dean pulls his cock back and forth from his face. Then, with an almighty roar, he pulls Cas in again and comes in his throat.

Dean is holding Cas’s head by his hair, pulling so hard that his knuckles are white and his pelvis is thrust out as Cas hovers over him. Dean thumps back and Cas is still at his cock. Cas pushes at him a bit and Dean pulls him off. Cas gags a bit but nothing comes up. There are tears in his eyes, but there is a smile on his face. Dean pulls him up and Cas comes with a small unff. He tucks Cas in his chest and rubs his scalp again. It is dirty, much like most of Cas but Dean does not hesitate to kiss him on the lips. Cas makes a surprised sound at that and when Dean moves back the surprise is much more evident.

“Thank you. That was lovely Cas,” says Dean as he moves his hand over Cas’s body. He takes it down so that he can at least give Cas a handjob, but when he reaches there, Cas is completely soft. There is no reaction at all. And Cas is staring at him with his head to the side as Dean basically paws all over him.

“Thank you for the meal Dean. I didn’t get to thank you properly.”

“Wait, this was a thank you BJ? What the hell Cas. I didn’t ask for that,” says a shocked Dean. While the concept is nothing new for Dean, he didn’t think that anyone would look at him to do the same. He is shocked more by the fact that he let Cas do it rather than the fact that Cas did it. Cas of course does not understands and moves back to the other side of the car so that the door is on his back with a whimper and says, “I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry.”

Dean immediately scoots forward and pulls Cas to him again and after resisting for a beat Cas goes back to him willingly. “Its ok babe, I am not mad at you, promise, shush, shush,” Dean resumes rubbing his scalp again. He lets Cas hush down. Both fall asleep again.

They wake up almost simultaneously two hours later. Dean drives to a nearby joint to get petrol for baby and to use the bathroom. He hands Cas a small bar of soap and a small sachet of shampoo before he heads into the toilet. Cas takes both and goes in. Dean fills up baby tank and buys some junk food for the road and he is out. He is down to his last two dollars; he will need to work today for money for their next meal. It is out of question that Dean leave Cas now.

When Cas comes back he looks very clean. His hair is still dripping onto his shirt as he had taken off his jacket. He looks very young again. Perhaps it is his eyes, those blue eyes that watch everything with great wonder. It is certainly evident to anyone that he is just a teenager. A teenager, Dean thinks with a frown on his face, who should be at his home, and safe and not driving around with bumfucks like Dean and thanking in blowjobs for a simple meal.

Cas sees Dean frowning and takes a big gulp that Dean can see from afar. He comes close and hands back the small towel he took from Dean. He then steadies his face and says, “Thank you for letting me stay the night. I will be ok now. I believe you can go on your way.”

Dean was already pulling Cas to him as he was speaking and the last words were muffled into Dean’s throat. “I want you to stay with me Cas. I really do. I hope you want to.” Cas pulls back at that and looks up at Dean with swimming eyes and nods happily.

“I will have to go now and make some money ok. I don’t have any and we will be very hungry soon. So you will sit in the impala and wait for me ok babe?” Dean asks Cas while he wipes his thumb on his lower lip because they were just begging to be touched and kissed.

“I have some money Dean.” “What? Well why didn’t you have something last night then?” asks Dean surprised.

“I didn’t know where I would be living so I didn’t want to spend the money needlessly. Coffee is enough for me most of the time. We can use that for our lunch right?” says Cas as he attempts to bring something out of his pants pocket.

“No no, you keep it with you for now. It will be our emergency stash. In the meantime I have to go and look for something to do. We need the money now, as much as we can make it. When it gets colder we won’t be able to sleep in baby and you need more clothes Cas,” says Dean.

“I could do something too Dean. I can go and do some work with you Dean. I can help too.”

“Ok babe ok. You come too. I just hope there is something to be done in this town. I could always hustle pool but I like this place and want to stay here for now.” The matter settled both climbs into the impala and Dean drives around a bit. They stop before a bar named the Roadhouse which has a paper with ‘hiring now’ written on it stuck to the front door and Dean goes in. Inside it smells mushy, like stale beers and shoes and old food. He walks in and looks to Cas basically plastered to his side, and call out, “Anybody home?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unbetaed. In fact everything will be unbetaed unless stated otherwise. mistakes all my own. this one seems short but the next one should make up for it. Also, please excuse how bad i am at writing sex. I am just that horrendous.


	3. Menu Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas settle in at The Roadhouse

Something clatters from inside the bar. After a minute a woman comes out. She looks mean like she means business, but when she gets closer, Dean sees that her eyes are kind. Cas meanwhile is clutching on to Dean and is almost hiding behind him. Dean doesn’t try to pull him to the front but holds onto his hands with a firmer grip. He smiles at the woman who is frowning at the couple and says, “Hello. I am Dean and this is my...friend Cas.”

“What can I do for you gentlemen?” asks the women in a whiskey roughened voice.

Dean tilts his head to the main door and says, “I saw that you are hiring. I was wondering what kind of workers you were looking for. My friend and I are looking for jobs around here.”

“Hmmmm. Well we have three positions. One is for the bartender, a waiter and the other for a busboy in the kitchen. Do either of you have any experience?”

“I can clean stuff,” Cas pipes up from behind Dean as he peers around him.

Dean gives a strained smile at her before saying, “My friend has some anxiety problems. But he can work well. I don’t have much experience myself but I am a quick learner and I promise you that you will have no trouble from us.”

“Well. The name’s Harvelle. Ellen Harvelle. My husband is Bobby Singers who has the auto shop on the edge of the town. What are your names?” asks Ellen.

“Dean. My name is Dean Wi – ahem – Smith. And this is my friend Castiel.”

“Castiel Collins, Ma’am.”

Ellen frowns at the couple and purses her lips. O god, Dean thinks, she is going to say no. So he is really surprised when she says, “Hmmmm well, we could do a trial run today. If you don’t fuck up too much you will be hired. Cas, you will be the busboy and Dean you will be the waiter. I hope you can remember orders well.”

Both nod their head aggressively and give bright smiles to Ellen. Snorting inelegantly, she informs the two their wages and the fact that they could bunk in one of her extra room at the back of the bar if they get the job. Both look shocked at the offer and get teary eyed as they thanked her over and over again.

That night The Roadhouse saw one of the smoothest nights in terms of work. Castiel was a work fiend, cleaning up cutlery and glasses and places in the kitchen as the cook, pothead Ash, cooked up his delicious creations. There were three more people in the kitchen – Jo, Ellen’s daughter from her first marriage, this black dude with some major tattoo work on his whole body and this Andy who claimed to be psychic to anyone who would listen.

Dean was doing well too. He didn’t even need to write down his orders and he did not misplace one serving. Ellen saw how hard the lads worked and decided to up their wages by a few dollars. They certainly deserved it. Both stuffed their faces with Ash’s Domme burger (gonna whip you up with taste) and hardly took any breaks. After 8 hours being on their feet, both were exhausted, but did not say a word when they were called to clean the place up later.

Ellen called them up to the front and gave them the news of their new employment status and offered up the back room immediately. Dean and Cas were immensely thankful and accepted her terms. She showed them the back room and both were floored. It was a big room with a bed and a closet and with an adjoining bathroom. One side of the room was taken up by a pile of things that Ellen didn’t need or require regularly, and it was certainly dirty, but for Dean and Cas, this was a miracle that was their own now and they couldn’t be happier.

As both were exhausted, Dean and Cas just climbed into the bed and pulling each other as much as physics would allow, they fell into a deep slumber. Next morning they woke up around 10 and were puttering around when Bobby walked in. Cas again slid near Dean but Bobby didn’t look threatening. He had a full beard but his eyes looked even kinder than Ellen.

“Boy, is that your Impala outside?”

“Yes sir,” Dean stammered. “Actually it was my dad’s” he further informed just to make everything clear.

“Hurmph. Well he certainly has good taste in cars. She is a beauty. If you need anything for her just bring her over my shop. I will do it free. I saw how hard you guys worked here last night.”

“Uh... Th-thanks Mr Singer Sir.”

“The name’s Bobby, boy. Mr Singer’s my father.”

And that is how everyone took in the new boys into their midst. Jo tried flirting with Dean for half an hour before she saw him kiss Cas. Afterwards she was a bit stiffy but her large heart won over and before the shift was done she was teasing both Dean and Cas with gusto. Victor scared Cas at first but the man was real soft spoken and his meatballs were to die for. By their second shift, he was saving up a plate of his best ones to pass on to Cas as he had taken a shine to the quite un.

Andy was a bit different. He was apparently a writer, not a good one informed Victor, and his hero had amazing psychic qualities that he stated were based on himself. As he said how Cas used to be a swimmer and Dean used to be a model, both found it easier to listen to his claims without malice. Ash was almost always high. He had his qualifications from great gastronomy schools but was ok cooking in the cramped spaces of the Roadhouse. Ash always made delicious food that he named himself, although the people around the town rarely understood them.

Within weeks the boys were settled in with working full time. They were hard workers and rarely balked at anything Ellen told them to do. Dean didn’t even flinch when he was sent to clean the toilet after a nasty accident. Jo tried to bring out stuff from their lives before by asking questions whenever she could, but all she got in return were hedges and uncomfortable silences. So she stopped asking. Through this whole time Dean and Cas would sleep burrowed into each other and safe from nightmares that used to be their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you may have noticed i am very lame at naming the chapters so sorry for that. Unbetaed of course. Beware as shit is about to come up. Thank you guys so much for reading and the kudos.


	4. Score For The Devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone walks back into their life

It took Dean two weeks to realise that Cas would go missing sometimes in the middle of the shifts for 15 minutes or so. They were too long to be bathroom breaks and too short to be anything else. He didn’t want to ask directly in case it embarrassed Cas, because it could be constipation for all he knew. Still, he made it a point to keep a watch on Cas and make sure he is not in any trouble.

The next time Cas went missing, Dean was in the kitchen and the new girl Charlie with the red flaming hair was taking over for a shift. She was going to be the new bartender, which usually Ellen did and Jo helped with. There weren’t much people around and only Ash was in the kitchen as Victor had the day off and Andy hadn’t reached yet. Trying to be unobtrusive as possible, Dean started looking for Cas.

He was nowhere to be found. At last Dean went to check the spare toilet and found the door locked. When he rattled the door, someone from inside shouted, “One minute, man.”

A man stepped out and looked at Dean sheepishly. He was middle aged and was wearing a shirt that was a size small for him. He was doing his belt and left towards the back exit of the Bar. Dean heard a shuffling from inside the presumably empty toilet so he went in to look. Cas was on his knees, trying to subject his black hair into some order. His chin was shiny with spit and something else. When Dean came in Cas smiled at him and came closer. He pulled up one of his hands and showed him the few dollars in it.

“Look Dean, money. For later. When Ellen throws us out.”

Dean had one hand around Cas’s waist now and was rubbing his face clean tenderly with his other hand. Hearing Cas, Dean opened his mouth to tell him that Ellen won’t throw them out, when he had to close it again. Ellen could of course throw them out. They were filling for the ones she threw out earlier. They may not do the job as well as she wants or maybe Dean will fuck up as he is wont to do given time and opportunity, why yes, Ellen can throw them out at any moment she pleases.

But that doesn’t mean that Dean wants Cas to whore himself out to save more money. This is the diner incident all over again. Cas wants to save as much as he can for the inevitable rainy day. Dean doesn’t know how to say him not to so he uses logic. “Babe, don’t do that here, we are doing good. My money and yours are piling up nicely. And Ellen may not like knowing that she is giving her work and space to people who whore themselves,” says Dean. There is no bite behind it but only sadness and acceptance.

Cas looks shocked at this, as if he hadn’t thought of that. “Oh,” he says, “I won’t do it again, i like it here Dean. Everyone is so nice unlike...” he trails off.

Dean kisses the corner of Cas’s mouth and says, “I understand baby. We are very very lucky to have found them. We will stay with them as long as we can ok love?”

“Yes Dean. I love you too,” said Cas. For him saying that he loved Dean didn’t mean an earth shattering moment of his life. Dean was kind and nice and kissed him without making him do anything so Dean was kind and Cas loved him.

Dean kisses him then, telling him that Dean loves him too. Cas lets Dean kiss him nicely. His lips are soft and yielding, and while Dean takes a few swipes across it he forces nothing in. Cas is clutching himself to Dean but that’s because Dean is kissing him. Nothing is actually happening to Cas but he is enjoying the sensations as Dean lays quite kisses on his lips and his eyelids and cheeks.

Someone clears their throat. Both turn to look to their side.

It is Ellen. Cas is suddenly tensed, thinking that perhaps she found out what Cas was doing and this is her come to throw them out. Dean seems to catch his anxiety as well as he holds on to Cas tighter.

“No romancing in closets boys. You have a room for that and a shift that you should not be missing Cas.”

Cas tucks his tail and rushes from the room. Ellen stares at Dean for a minute or so as he starts fidgeting and says, “He is a minor Dean isn’t he? I can clearly see how close you too are and how much you need each other, that doesn't mean I will be okay with people hurting you two, even if it is each other. You get my drift son?”

Dean did not but to appease Ellen he nods a quick yes. Ellen is not completely convinced, but she leaves and Dean goes to his room to lay down a bit.

A few hours later Cas drops by and both snuggle till their night shift starts again.

When both goes into the kitchen together, they see Jo and Charlie huddled together. They are playing a video game. Dean peers at it over Jo’s shoulder and wants to have a go at it himself, but Jo and Charlie are already playing, so he doesn’t say anything. Victor passes a plate of meatballs to them and they munch on it as Ash prepares one of his rarer dishes for everyone to taste and comment. As always, it tastes heavenly.

Cas is sitting by Dean, almost on his lap, and Dean is feeding him some of the meatballs as Cas doesn't seem to want to move. After murmuring if the other is ok, both turn to see the whole kitchen looking at them. Dean becomes self-conscious and asks a bit defensively, “What?”

Victor, before anyone could say anything, declares, “You guys are very cute.” Everyone agrees with head nods and smiles that mean only fondness towards them. Cas goes red at this and hides behind Dean so he rubs his hands on Cas’s jeans covered thighs to soothe him.

They haven’t had sex with each other, not even a blowjob or a hand job since living at The Roadhouse. They don’t feel the need to. Quite kisses are enough for both of them. Dean is not celibate, he masturbates, and he does so freely before Cas, but he puts no pressure on Cas to participate. Every time after Dean comes, it is Cas who will wipe him down and rub his body till he is dozing, and that is enough for them. The others think that they have very regular and possibly kinky sex, but nothing could be further from the truth.

Ellen drops in and makes everyone go on with their jobs, after all she didn’t pay them to sit on their asses now did she? Dean goes out to wait on table and Charlie takes up the bar and Cas is bussing like a busy bee and Ash, Andy and Victor making food quickly, when the devil itself walked into the bar.

Dean was taking orders when someone called “Dean” just behind him and he went pale, stopping in the middle of the light flirting he was doing with the patrons on that table. He in fact went dizzy, and had to put his hand out to catch himself from falling. The girl nearest to him was looking at him with concern and before she could ask if he was ok, Dean turned around and saw his father for the first time in three months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mistakes all mine as there are many mistakes, thank you for reading, next chapter will be a bitch so heads-up


	5. Suffocating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John makes Dean pay for leaving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note the tags. There is physical, sexual and verbal abuse aplenty in this chapter. if you want to miss you can, jst ask me for a short summary later

Dean is leaning on the table still, but when he sees Ellen behind the bar looking at him with concern clear on his face, he straightens himself and tries to make his heartbeat come down. People are talking around him, some are cheering, the girl who was looking concerned was giving him looks out of the corner of the eye but when he eased down she went back to her friends.

“Dad.”

“Ah, so you remember? Seeing how you, well, were away, I thought you had forgotten,” said John with a big smile on his face that made Dean feel faint again.

“Is there any problem Dean?” Ellen asks suddenly as she materialises behind John.

“No, no problem Ellen,” Dean lies immediately. “This is my father, John W –hu- Smith.”

Ellen arches one of her eyebrows and looks at John. He has on a charming smile on his face now, ready to dazzle the lady with his wit and beauty. Ellen didn’t look a bit impressed.

“Well, who is this beautiful young lady Dean? Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friends here?” asks John with a showy punch on his shoulder.

As if remembering all the punches he had received from those hands over the years simultaneously, Dean tries not to flinch as he says, “Dad, this is Ellen Harvelle, she is the owner of the bar and my boss.”

“Well, beauty with brains, that is a heady combination I must say. I do hope Dean is not slacking off. He is so lazy, it’s a miracle he remembers to wipe his ass after he takes a shit. I know, he has been living off me his whole life after all,” says John in a liquid voice means to disarm Ellen. It backfires as anger blooms on her face immediately as she sees Dean duck his head down to the side and try not to cry. Not only was John insulting Ellen directly, he was taunting Dean and Dean was just taking it.

Ellen did not need any more indicators to understand that John was a massive asshole and abused Dean and Dean had most probably ran away from him. Seeking to keep him safe, who Ellen had silently come to accept as her surrogate son just like Cas, she sends Dean off to the kitchen to bring his orders around. Then, when Dean is out of the picture, Ellen turns furious eyes on John and in the coldest voice possible tells him to take a seat.

John’s smile disappears instantly and he doesn’t make the mistake of saying anything more to her. She leaves him and decides to keep a look out for Dean in case his father tries something. Dean comes back and asks what his father will have. John orders beer, and tells Dean to keep them coming. Dean doesn’t want to, as his father is a mean drunk and he hits harder the drunker he gets. Still, he was a customer and Ellen was looking at them so he complies.

When there is a lull among the patrons, Dean places the fourth beer before John and sits across him. He mentally makes sure to not let his face betray any emotion. When John looks at him, Dean sees that he is a bit buzzed, but a long way to drunk. Emboldened by his surroundings and the fact that John is looking at him with a neutral expression, Dean asks, “How did you find me?”

“You think you could take my car and I wouldn’t know? You are so stupid you didn’t even change the number. All I had to do was type in the car number and viola, traitor on a plate,” says John as he takes a hearty gulp from the beer bottle.

That is when Dean is suddenly aware of Cas standing beside him. Cas is looming over him, and looks with great concern on his face. Dean is afraid and wants to push him away before John can see him, but when he looks at John, he has already seen. If they were in the back, Cas would have been kissing him and asking what was wrong. Here, Cas was just tugging on to his shirt and trying to make Dean look at him. Dean stands up, pulling Cas by his wrist in his wake and deposited him just inside the kitchen. He gives him a brief kiss and tells him to stay there as the other people stare at him. Ellen must have told them it was his dad.

Dean returns back to his father as he knows his father is not done talking, and he wants things to be as easy as he can make it. Oh John is going to make him pay, no doubt about it, only if he could do it without making Dean lose his new family. Hoping to appease his father with, Dean asks, “Where are you staying Dad?” No mention of the fact that he ran away.

“I haven’t decided yet. Where do you stay?” asks John.

“In a room in the back with Cas,” says Dean before he realises his mistake.

John is looking at him with a predatory gleam and says, “Well, I hope you won’t mind giving up your bed for one night for this old man huh? I mean we can always share, and your cockslut is always welcome to join as well. I mean I could take a room somewhere, but then what use my useless son will be right?”

Dean is scratching his hand obsessively as John says more things in the same vein. Dean has to make sure that Cas has a place to stay somewhere else. He can survive a night with John, he already has many lifetimes. Doesn’t mean Cas has to see or know. So Dean leaves to ask Ellen. She is not happy, and if she were more open or visibly closer with Dean she would have said no. But the man was his father after all, and she did not have any legal rights for saying no. She also complied to let Cas sleep somewhere else, so that John and Dean could have the room for themselves.

When Dean let Cas know that he won’t be sleeping with Dean tonight, he immediately started crying. If Dean had the time, he would have pulled Cas in and kissed his sadness and tears all away. Ellen had given them an extra mattress for Dean to sleep in their room so that John can have the bed and gave another mattress to Cas so that he could sleep near the kitchen. The ground was always clean now thanks to Cas and really, it was no problem, Cas had slept in far many worse places than this.

It is around 3 O’ clock in the morning when Cas hears some sounds coming from his and Dean’s room. Ellen, Bobby and Jo slept on the second floor on the other side of the building so they won’t hear anything. Cas, who was having trouble falling asleep without Dean, put his ears on the door to their room and tried to make out the sounds. He went still when he made out Dean’s pained cries, and he started knocking calling out to Dean.

The door opened all of a sudden and a pair of hands pulled him in roughly before shoving him to the side.

“Tell your cockslut to keep his mouth shut or I will be fill it with my meat whore,” says John in a furious voice he kept low.

Cas is already crying. Dean is face down on the bed, his back littered with fresh welts and blood pooling from shallow cuts. John is naked and hard as his engorged cock bobs while he walks. He pulls on Dean’s hair and makes him look at Cas, bending him backwards so abruptly that Dean lets out a shocked whimper. “Tell him boy before I kill him.”

Dean immediately tries to smile at Cas and says, “Don’t cry Cas, it’s Ok, this is ok, I am not hurt bad, but you can’t make any noise Cas, please.. puh-please Cas no sound, Dad says Ok.”

Cas immediately goes quite, the tears pooling in his eyes but not spilling. He has had a lifetime of practise of not crying when he is told to. So he makes no sound, not even a sniffle as tears and snot drip from his face. He only looks at Dean’s face, etched with pain and still smiling at Cas as if his father was not raping him, as if they were alone like each night and this made John angry, that Dean was not crying and chocking as he fucked him from behind. That is how a whore takes pleasure, by weeping, so he doesn’t feels complete, even when he is pounding as hard as he can.

So he starts hitting Dean. Slapping his face, hitting his ass, and Dean takes it all, Dean is no more smiling at Cas, Cas is biting his own hand, his own wrist till blood covers his teeth and yet he makes no sound. There is only pain and acceptance on Dean’s face now, his eyes closed as he couldn’t bear looking at Cas anymore. John can feel his orgasm approaching, so places his hands on Dean’s neck and starts to choke him. Dean puts up a limp fight as he pulls at his father’s hands, but he can’t fight, and Cas is keening like a kicked dog, biting down with more force on his hand to keep any voice down but not succeeding.

Just as the world goes black for Dean, John comes with a holler and spurts seed deep into Dean. He is breathing harshly and pulls off Dean with a pop and pushes him away towards the edge of the bed. Then he turns and goes off to sleep. Cas is immediately on Dean and trying to wake him up, a part of him sure that Dean is dead. Dean comes to with a whimper of pain. Cas immediately pulls him up into a sitting position and brings him down to the mattress. John starts snoring.

After cradling Dean for a bit, Cas goes and brings a wet towel to clean him up. He does it as slowly and gingerly as he can. His welts have stopped bleeding and his cuts have already scabbed over. Dean is breathing shallowly on his side, more bruises blooming across his face and throat and body while Cas takes him into his arms and coos to him. Both are about to fall asleep like that when someone starts banging their door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So ya this is going good, this is the first ever thing i have written this long, comments on what you guys think will be much appreciated. the next chapter is going to be lighter fyi


	6. Friends to the Rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John is sent packing by a very protective family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has some hardcore abuse themes, both physical and sexual so if you wanna miss that, do. If anyone wants i can give a short summary of the chapter in the end so that u don't need to read it.

As the door continued to be banged, Cas looked at the sleeping form of John on the bed and down at Dean in his arms who was looking groggy. Unable to get up immediately, Cas called out, “Who is it?”

The banging stopped and he heard Ellen ask, “Cas?”

“Yes Ellen. I am with Dean here.”

“Is John there with you guys?”

Cas nodded before he realised that Ellen couldn’t see him and called out yes.

“Cas, open the door,” Ellen demanded immediately. Cas had to take a minute to decide if he should do it or not, but he looked down at Dean’s face and then gingerly put him down and went to open the door. Ellen rushed in with Bobby in tow and put on the lights. She gave a big gasp when she saw the state Dean was in. She also noticed that Cas had bitten his own hand bloody and John was sleeping on the bed without a care, naked, that was dotted with Dean’s blood.

With a shout Ellen pulled John off the bed. He harrumphed into wakefulness and peered at the people surrounding him. He sobered up fast when he realised that Bobby was holding a huge sawed off in his face with restrained anger on his face and Ellen was physically trying not to hurt him.

“Get up you whore of a son, get up I say. I have already called the police; you will be put behind bars for the thefts and violence you have done all over the country. And your son, your beautiful son, you don’t deserve even one smile from him. Get up and put your clothes on, you will never hurt our boys again,” said Bobby in the harshest voice Cas had ever heard of him.

Ellen meanwhile was checking on Dean as Cas hovered nearby. “Cas,” Ellen says, “Get Jo for me but tell her to call the doctor first.”

John is clothed and is standing with his hands up as Bobby hasn’t moved one inch from his spot. He has his eyes trained on the bastard when Dean makes a very pained sound. Bobby looks away for one second and John pushes him away and makes a run for it. Bobby immediately scrambles up and follows, but by the time he is outside he can hear a car revving away in great speed. Disgusted with himself that he couldn’t catch the fiend, Bobby limps inside, as he hurt his foot while running after John.

He comes in and sees that Ellen and Cas had pulled Dean onto the bed. Bobby sees the boy bare for the first time and he goes still. Bobby had overcome an abusive father on his own who was free with his hands as with his belt and the fact that he is alive and with such a good woman like Ellen is how he believes that he has won. Dean though, whose whole body seems to be a mass of scars and burns, Bobby cannot believe that this is the boy who still smiles so nicely at him and is full of life.

He is hit by a flashback of his own darkness, triggered by what he is seeing and then Ellen is on his side, hugging him and grounding him. In the meantime Jo had called the ambulance and is in the room as well. As Cas looks very confused, Jo informs him, “Bobby had Ash look up John on the net and he came back with a load of shitty stuff and how he was an actual wanted criminal in more than 7 states. Ash called as soon as he found out and so we came to see if you guys are ok. Thank god we did.”

They hear the ambulance and Jo runs off to let the paramedics in. They lift Dean in a stretcher and leaves for the general county which is open all hours of the day. Ellen, Jo, Bobby follow in their car while Cas rides with Dean. He is now feverish and is very hot to touch. Cas holds his hand and lays quite kisses on it as he cries freely.

Four hours later, after Dean had been bandaged and fed some pills to take away his pain, Cas is still holding his hand. Victor, Charlie, Ash, even Andy are in the hall now while the doctor tells Ellen the extent of Dean’s injuries. “He has a blood infection and quite a lot of recent cuts and bruises. He also has a lot of injuries that are consistent with long term physical abuse as well as sexual abuse, and seeing how young he is, I believe that his parents are somewhat involved. He needs medication and bed rest for a few days and I would recommend a good therapist. I don’t see why he can’t make a good recovery after that.”

Ellen thanks the doctor and returns to the group waiting for her. She informs them that Dean should get well soon, he just needs some rest and meds. After the doctor clears the room for visitors, everyone trips in slowly to look at Dean and Cas. Cas’s eyes are drooping and his hands had been bandaged but he refuses to let Dean’s hands go. He only goes off to sleep after Dean wakes up and smiles at him. He cries into his shoulder than, but composes himself quickly and when Jo comes to relieve him, he goes to the bar and takes a long bath.

Cas also cleans up their room and takes off the bloody sheet from their bed and puts everything in the washing machine. Cas tries to be with Dean as much as he can while he is recovering, but he doesn’t want to leave the Roadhouse with less workers as well. So he does all of his shifts well, even tries to take up some more and when he is not at the Roadhouse, he is near Dean, usually snoozing by his side as Dean cards his hand through his hair.

Twelve days later, Dean is declared fit enough to leave for the Roadhouse, and when he reaches home, the guys have arranged a small party for him. He is not aware that Ellen knows everything. Ellen too does not tell anyone and makes it her top priority to never let the monster get his hands on Dean or Cas again. Cas looks happy when Dean is back and he tries to give a welcome back blowjob, but Dean sees that Cas is completely placid and refuses. He pulls him in for a tight hug so that Cas doesn’t mind the rejection. He doesn’t. He is just happy being where he is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So heads-up here, Sam comes into the picture next chapter. I should be clocking this in 4 more chapters i hope. Lemme know what you guys like. and any question you can ask at my tumblr evermoringlyfine, thanks


	7. Hey Brother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A big secret is revealed between Sam and Dean

Within a month, Dean is fit as he was before and has taken over all his duties. Both are starting to integrate with the community. When Dean goes to buy stuff from the market, he gets called by his name and people actually ask his opinion. He has also started going to Bobby’s auto shop to help around. Cas was doing his duties well and with the help of Jo applied for his GED. The day he got his result, Dean took him for a picnic on the river bank and both languidly made out for hours. They returned to a party thrown by their friends.

Charlie and Dean were becoming good friends; Cas was getting closer to Victor who had an almost encyclopedic knowledge about any kind of plant and fruit. Ash continued to make everyone his official tester once a week and Jo got a boyfriend who didn’t cower before Ellen and was very good to Jo. Both Cas and Dean decided that they were the happiest they have ever been their whole life. Both also realised that the people who they worked with were friends and that Ellen and Bobby really loved them and would never throw them out even if they stopped working (Cas actually asked this to Ellen directly one day and was sternly told so).

So it was a surprise to Dean that he still felt a bit incomplete. It took some time to realise it was because he hadn’t seen Sam in months. Suddenly, Dean was hit by a need to hear and see his baby brother. He had the number that Sam had passed him before he left, but he never called for he feared that it would make staying with John even harder. But now he was not with John, he was with Cas. So he decided to call up his brother and hoped that his number hasn’t been changed.

So one night, when he thought that Sam must be awake, dialled the number and waited for someone to pick up. The phone rang and rang and just as Dean was about to cut the call, a female voice said Hello.

Flustered a bit as Dean had been expecting Sam on the phone, he asked, “Is this Sam Winchester’s phone?”

“Yes it is. Just hold a minute I will call him.” The person puts the phone a bit away and shouts, “Sam, Phone.”

Muffled in the background Dean can make out Sam saying “Coming, coming.” And then Sam is on the phone and Dean is having difficulty saying anything when Sam says, “Hey if you don’t have anything to say I am keeping the phone” and Dean manages to blurt out, “Sammy.”

There is no sound for a minute then Sam says in a voice that is unbelievable, “Dean?”

“Ya Sammy. How you been?”

“Dean... Dean o my god is this really you Dean? Wait, is Dad making you call me?? I don’t want to talk to that fucker so if that is what this is about...”

Dean interrupts to say, “I left Dad Sammy. I now live far away from him with my boyfriend Cas.”

“Seriously Dean? I am so happy and proud of you. Dean I wanna meet. I want to meet your Cas too and I want you to meet someone special to me as well. Can we meet Dean?”

“Yes yes of course. I can take a road trip in baby and I can meet you soon. I just need to clear my time with my boss and then I will let you know,” says Dean, happy in a way that he wasn’t till now. He goes inside to give the good news to Cas who congratulates him and wishes him luck, so Dean tells him that Cas is invited too and he gets the big hug he was waiting for.

Dean was worried about asking Ellen for time off for a week seeing how they had taken only one more person to fill in, Gilda who turned out to be the new girlfriend of Charlie. Dean was sure that Ellen would say no at least a few times so he was shocked when she gave him the time off immediately after coming to know that Dean was going to meet his brother. She even gave him an advance oh his pay so that he they can travel easy. She gives the same to Cas and a few days later, both piles into the impala and waved goodbye to their friends as they left for Stanford.

Dean is of course nervous over meeting Sam after such a long time. He wanted to bring something for him with his money, but couldn’t find anything fitting so he decided to take some wine for him. Over the months, Cas and Dean’s salary had accumulated into a small pile that eased both Cas and Dean over their future prospects. Dean told Cas to hold onto his money as emergency and Dean would use his for the trip. That did not stop Cas from buying a lovely muffler for Sam. For him, Sam was already family.

When they finally reached Stanford, Dean couldn’t help but gulp as he saw the big campus and imagined his brother walking around in it. He got a good wine and headed to the address that Sam had given him. The moment he stopped outside a three story house that Sam apparently shared with a bunch of friends, Sam came out, hair longer than Dean remembered and a brilliant smile on his face as he almost ran up to Dean and clutched him in a hug.

Dean kisses his cheek and Sam stands back at that. His smile hasn’t faltered. He sees Cas then. He waves at him and says, “You must be Cas. Hi I am Sam, Dean’s brother.”

“Hello Sam,” Cas intones.

“Well, come on in, everyone is waiting to meet you guys. Brady is out for the week so you guys can take his bed, I have already taken permission, come you guys must be hungry.”

Inside, there are about eight people around and they introduce themselves nicely to the couple while Sam introduces them to his friends. Last Sam introduces them to Jess his girlfriend. She is very beautiful and matches with Sam. He feeds them hot Mac and Cheese and runs for his late class, promising Dean that they will talk after he returns. Dean wants to doze a bit but Cas wants to see around the campus as he had never been to any university. Dean complies and both go around like happy children while gorging on food wherever they can. The only time they feel bad is when a group of people call out to them and tell them solemnly in ugly voices how they will go to hell and how god wants them dead.

Dean rubs Cas down and takes him back to the house where both cuddle till Cas is calm. For dinner, they have pizza that Dean ordered and everyone gorges on it with happy oohs and aahs. After everyone has gone off to their rooms, Dean and Cas go to Sam’s room to talk for a bit. They talk into the night and Cas and Jess leave them to reminisce more while they go off to sleep. When alone, the talk somehow turns to their father and Dean blurts how he is a wanted man in seven states and he had filed for a restraining order against the man without going into details.

Sam is taken aback at that. He opens and closes his mouth for some time and then asks in as neutral voice as he can, “Why do you hate Dad now Dean? I mean he did nothing to YOU.”

The slight emphasis Sam gives on the word ‘you’ stills and chills Dean for some reason. Quite dread in his heart, he can’t help asking, “What do you mean?”

Sam gives him a pained look as if he has just come to a difficult decision. He says, “Dean, Dad.... Dad used to do some stuff to me Dean... like bad stuff and I know you were not aware but that is why I left. He kept on holding you over my head and I couldn’t refuse till one day I did and I left the next day.”

Dean is looking at him with horror in his eyes, Sam is not surprised, Dean was oblivious, always working on something, always out with people and his skin covered in hickies of various lovers, Sam didn’t hate Dean for not noticing, but a part of him couldn’t help but resent him a bit. Bet Dean never had nightmares about being forced to suck their father off.

Sam comes to the present when he hears Dean whimpering “No no no” over and over while he jerks back and forth and seems to struggle to breath. Worried by Dean’s reaction Sam moves to him and tells him to breath. Dean looks at him and says, “He promised Sammy Dad promised if I kept my mouth shut he wouldn’t touch you, he promised Sammy he did, so I let him do anything because he promised me he would never touch you oh Sammy Sammy I am so sorry, I am so sorry, please forgive me.”

But Sam doesn’t hear him. He has gone completely rigid. Dean is lying, a part of him thinks, Dean has to be lying, he would have noticed, he would have, he would, and suddenly Sam is crying, howling almost clutching himself and Dean hugs him and Sam wants to push him away and pull him closer and that is how a very disheveled Jess and a worried and awake Cas finds them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is going to be a timestamp for this chapter with CAs's POV which i will upload after this is done and ya i am pretty sure now there is going to be 3 more chapters more. Hope you like reading them and please let me know what you think.


	8. Fox In Sheep's Clothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean goes missing

Dean is crying too as Sam tries to burrow inside him as he hiccoughs. None would tell Cas or Jess anything so they stopped asking. The other members must have heard Sam cry too but respecting their privacy no one comes out to investigate. Jess pulls Sam when he starts to lean on Dean heavily and pushes him into the sofa they are sitting in. He is still hiccoughing like a little boy, overcome with great grief and tired now after crying so much. Dean tells Jess to leave him be but Jess and Cas manhandles Sam into the bed where he immediately falls asleep. Dean’s legs on which Sam was leaning had gone numb so he didn’t protest too much. With the help of Cas he limped to Brady’s room and he told everything to Cas while he cried and Cas let him while holding him as tight as he could.

Dean kept on expecting Cas to shove him away or give him a look of disgust over the things he had done and let John do to him. He should have had more brains, but he was a fool, stupid just like Dad said, Dean told Cas while he hit himself on his head hard. Cas took hold of his hand to stop Dean from hurting himself. Dean cried as he said, “I was just a dumbass Cas, just a useless dumbass, I am useless, I couldn’t even save Sammy I couldn’t save him Cas. I can’t save you either Cas I can’t. I am useless and broken.”

Cas took hold of Dean’s face and told him firmly with all the conviction the 16 years old could muster, “You are not broken Dean. And you are not dumb. Less dumb, less ass, and always for the right reason. You were just a kid yourself, of course you believed your father it is not your fault that he turned out to be such a gigantic jerk. I love you Dean and I will not listen to you berate yourself over something that you didn’t have any control over. I love you Dean Winchester and you will not call the man I love useless.”

Dean gives a wet snort at this, his face messed by tears and eyes very much puffy as he rubbed them as lot while he told Cas everything. They slept fitfully. In the morning, Jess called them down for breakfast and when Dean walked in, Jess gave him a huge hug and a kiss on his cheek. She did the same to Cas and he smiled shyly at him. She said, “Sam is not feeling well today so he is sleeping in. Dean... he told me everything, and I don’t have the words to say how sorry I am. Your...father not only abused you, he manipulated you both. I...I hope the police catches him and he gets imprisoned for life.”

Dean thanked for her sentiments and informed her that they would be leaving by noon. She tried to make them stay for one more day, promising to show them around the town, but Dean cited his limited leave and kissed her goodbye. Cas kissed her a goodbye as well and went to pack their stuff up. Dean went up to Sam’s room and sat on his bed for a few minutes. Sam stirred and looked forlornly at Dean. When Dean told him he was leaving, Sam got up to his elbows and told him to stay. Dean smiled at him sadly and told him he had to get back at the Roadhouse.

Sam got down from his bed and hugged Dean. Both started crying again, this time silently. Sam promised that he will call often and not let their bastard of a father come between them again. Dean promised to do the same. He kissed his much taller baby brother on his forehead and cheeks and said, “I love you Sammy,” to which Sam replied, “I love you too Dean.” With more promises to keep in touch, Dean and Cas got in the impala and drove away.

Five miles out, Dean had to stop the car and cry again because he had been leaking tears since he left Sam. Cas said nothing, just kept on rubbing his hands and thighs. The return drive took them longer as Dean drove very little and cried a lot and they stayed at nice inns where Cas would pull him into his arms and just glide his hands all over him. Dean would go limp and fall asleep then. By the time they reached the Roadhouse, Dean was much better. Sam had called him twice to know how he was doing and this made Dean much more relaxed.

Sam, with the help of Jess was undergoing therapy. It helped him deal with the latent anger he used to feel towards Dean. Now it was more directed towards John. He said, “I used to be so angry at you Dean. Dad would have me suck him off after coming from school early whenever he picked me up and he used to pick me up every day he was around and he used to push my face into his lap and say to me, ‘This is how you pay for the food I give you and your brother and the roof you sleep under’ and on and on he would go, how it was my duty to keep him happy so that you don’t suffer.”

“I am so angry he manipulated us, made me not trust anymore, made me actually hate you and when I left I though that it was over, you were never going to fall under him, you were braver, you were better, and I used to be jealous, that maybe that is why he used me, soiled me and not you Dean. I was so angry. But now I know, and I will never forgive him. I hope he dies Dean. Some days I dream that I killed him. And that makes me feel...I don’t know... both sad and elated at the same time,” Sam continued.

“I am here for you now Sammy. Don’t let him win. We got out. Now we have our lives in our hand. Don’t you worry Sam, I am always there for you,” said Dean, never letting Sam know that talking about those earlier days kept giving him nightmares. Cas wanted Dean to tell but Dean refused. So Cas insisted that Dean talk to a therapist as well. It took much cajoling on the part of Cas to get Dean to agree to it and once he started doing therapy and all the bad things inside him that he kept locked away poured out, Dean started to get better.

Things at the Roadhouse are going well too. Jo’s boyfriend proposed to her and she shouted yes. Charlie moved in with her girlfriend Dorothy. Victor let everyone know about his dissertation being accepted which led to many thumps on his back and hollers for party and Ash found the next best thing since cronuts that had the sales at Roadhouse up through the ceilings and Andy finally declared that his book was done and had been accepted by a publisher.

Everyone was happy and everyone was doing great. Sometimes Dean would think in quite moments that this was too good to be true, maybe he was in heaven having already died, but Cas would smile at him and he would be thankful that he is very much alive in spite of John. Ash kept everyone updated on his whereabouts so that should he come even 500 meter near Dean they would be ready to whack his ass. But they never got the chance to.

Cas’s 17th birthday was celebrated simply in compliance with his wishes and Dean gave him a new mobile phone with his number already in. They had cake and champagne and lots of kisses and laughter. That night Dean jerked off before Cas and thanked him for being himself. For Cas, the fact that Dean accepted him as he was was more of a better birthday present than the mobile.

Three days later was Jo’s wedding was to be held at their church. Charlie was the maid of honor and she was stoked. Everyone helped plan the wedding and it went on without a hitch. Dean promised to clean up everything and send everyone away to sleep. Cas wanted to stay but he was feeling very sleepy so he went ahead to sleep.

He wakes four hour later due to his mobile blaring Dean’s ringtone. Wondering why Dean was calling him, when he could just come into the room, he picked up and said, “Dean, where are you, you are not in bed yet...”

He was cut off by a familiar voice saying, “Hey cockslut, remember me?”

Cas can’t feel his legs suddenly and falls down on his ass. He whispers, “John.”

“That is correct whore,” John says with a dark chuckle. “If you want to see your man, get into the car that is waiting outside and it will bring you to Dean. If you inform anyone I will break Dean’s neck with my own hand. So come kitten, your chariot awaits,” John ends the call.

Cas is trembling. John must have Dean otherwise he would not have gotten Dean’s mobile. What did he do to make Dean leave with him? Threaten Cas? Or perhaps Ellen or Bobby? There was no time to be lost. He took out a paper and wrote down everything in brief before engaging the GPS in his mobile. Charlie had shown him how earlier. He leaves the paper on the bed and bolts out. Bobby and Ellen are at the airport to send Jo away on her honeymoon. His calls are not going. Fearing that he had lost too much time, he stashes the mobile in his pants and runs out to the pickup. A man is sitting inside and as soon as Cas jumps in, the car drives away to an unknown destination.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next three chapters should be up by today or tomorrow by latest. This will be the longest and the quickest I have ever written anything. Let me know what you think of this one. The next chapter is going to be the darkest so beware.


	9. Faulting Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John has Dean raped by a bunch of men as he himself rapes Cas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As i said this chapter was gonna be bad. I have bluntly laid it out in the summary. read if you want but pay heed to the tags.

The driver is middle aged, perhaps a friend of John. Cas tries to see when he is going but the guy drives very fast and around corners Cas had never been and he never sees the needle that sinks into his neck as he looks at the passing landscape. By the time he comes to, it is too late for either of them.

Dean was cleaning the Roadhouse, mostly keeping things in their place when he gets a call from an unknown number. As he rarely gives his number out he is reluctant to get it, but worrying that it might be Bobby or someone he knew he puts it on and says, “Hello.”

“May I speak to Dean Winchester?” says a deep voice that Dean can’t place.

“Speaking. Who is this?” Deans asks in return. “Hello Mr. Winchester, I am calling from the police station and I would like to inform you that fugitive, a Mr. John Winchester has been apprehended. We would like you to come immediately down to the station for a few formalities. None of cases pending against him are from this state so we can’t really arrest him, but seeing your active restraining order, If you come to the office and file a report against him, he can be immediately taken into official custody and deported to the nearest state. However, you will have to come immediately.”

Dean can’t decide if he should call Cas up or not when the voice pipes up, “You will have to come as quickly as you can Mr. Winchester. Should the time be up we won’t be able to hold him and he would be let free.”

Hearing the urgent tone of the voice talking to him, Dean decided against calling anyone, figuring that he would be gone and back soon enough. He shoved his mobile in his pants and ran outside to the impala. As he was getting in, he heard a crunch and before he could turn to see, pain exploded on the side of his head and he went limp.

When Dean came to, he was alert immediately as he heard John talking with Cas on his mobile. As he screamed to tell Cas not to come, he became aware of a spider gag holding his mouth open. He also became aware that he was naked and his hands bound while he lay on his back on a table, and there were more people milling around. John cut the line and turned with a smirk towards Dean. “Well, well, well, looks like sleeping beauty is up. Look Dean I have brought a present for you.”

Hearing this, all the other man, 7 of them Dean counted quickly, stepped in. They were huge hulking men standing naked while they rubbed their big cocks slowly as if in anticipation. Dean immediately understood. This was his punishment. John will take every ounce of enjoyment while these men took him and gave him pain. Then he remembered that John had talked with Cas, so in spite of being not able to make clear sounds Dean couldn’t help begging, “Dad please, not Cas, do whatever you want to do to me but please not Cas.” Nothing illegible came out but John got the gist and he gave a dark chuckle as he said, “Don’t you worry about your cockslut, your Daddy’s gonna take care of him.”

Dean started screaming at that, as loud as he could, as much as he could. He got cut off when a big cock was shoved into his mouth, effectively cutting off his air supply and making him gag. At the same time someone stepped between his tied down legs and forced themselves inside his ass without any prep. Dean tried to scream again, this time in pain, but he couldn’t. The man who was shoving his cock roughly into his mouth suddenly pulled out and then he gave Dean two ringing slaps. The place where he was hit near the impala started oozing blood then and Dean started to feel light headed.

Soon the people were using him and calling him names as he slumped between them, half conscious as his concussion throbbed. He had no idea when another man came carrying Cas in over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes or when John pushed into a still unconscious Cas. John sat back, sliding Cas over his cock very now and then, his hands tied behind and a big gag almost dislocating his jaws. Cas was bleeding from his ass when he came to, the blood dripping onto John’s balls and pubes while he continued to hump into the poor boy. He was crying and snot was dripping from his nose readily as his whole body seemed to be on fire. Dean looked dead between the men as they kept alternating among themselves. His chest was barely moving and his breadth was shallow. This did not stop anyone from thrusting into him or from John calling out encouragingly to his friends to make good use of his whore son.

This went on from two hours. Dean was definitely not conscious now. Cas was shivering and he could no longer feel his body. The other men were getting tired and were getting more brutal. One kept slapping Dean and another kept punching his limp dick. There was no response at all. The one who kept slapping Dean kept coming over to Cas as well and kept hitting his stomach so much so that he would double over and fresh blood would start pouring from his injured ass.

Cas realised that he was going into shock when everything went numb. He couldn’t feel anything or even see anything as his focus kept getting dimmer. Still he refused to look at anywhere but Dean while John kept saying how he would cure his son and have him back and how Cas was just a slut for trying to take his son away from him. How he is paying for his sins. The voice kept on and on and on, never ceasing and Cas had already tuned it out. That is why it took Cas some time to realise that some loud explosions have gone on in the room and there were more people milling arournd. Cas was simply unconscious by the time the medic unit arrived to take him off the dead body of John Winchester, looking into the void with a bullet hole in his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got waylaid and couldn't finish this as i wanted. I have just realised that this been very tropey and dramatic and i didn't even know that. the many mistakes are mine, and as i have repeated said, I suck, like abysmally suck at writing sex of any kind.


	10. Recuperations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas is given shocking news

When Cas comes to, he is in a sterilised room, with a lot of machinery around but no human. They are beeping steadily. Cas shifts a bit on the bed and stills immediately because every part of his body pains. He desperately wants a drink of water and to ask where Dean is. He is scared to ask as well, but he has to know. A woman steps into the room, with short hair and wearing the uniform of a sheriff. As she comes near Cas can make out that her name is Mills.

“Hello Mr Collins. I am sheriff Jodi Mills. I am the one who mounted the raid that rescued you. I am glad to let you know that we have apprehended all the 8 people concerned, caught right handed. They will go away for a long long time,” said the lady in a pleasant voice. Cas could make out that she was trying to be as much pleasant as she could, but her smile did not reach her eyes. They keep shifting to the side minutely in shame and anger. Cas couldn’t make out why she was ashamed or angry.

“Where is Dean?” Cas asks in a hoarse voice?

Mills doesn’t say anything for a minute. Then she says, “Mr. Winchester is in a medically induced coma. The doctors informed us that his injuries are quite grievous, but they are hoping for a full recovery. His brother had been contacted. We were unable to inform any member of your family. No one could say anything about them. Is there anything you would like to let know?”

“No... I ...No, I don’t have to call anyone. When is Dean going to wake up? Can I see him?”

“As soon as your doctor says you are good enough to walk. Dr Tran is one of the best in this facility and I hope you will ask him anything you want to. Why, here, speak of the devil. How are you doing Dr Tran?” asks Mills to an Asian looking guy who, in Cas’ opinion, can’t be old enough to be a doctor.

“Hello Sheriff Mills. I am good. I hope Alex has got over her cough. Could you please excuse us, I have some thing I want to talk with my patient here. I believe Ellen wants to talk to you about Dean. No, no, there is no problems with Mr. Winchester, Mr Collins, please don’t worry about him now,” says Dr Tran with a look at Mills. She excuses herself and closes the door with a click in her wake.

Cas can see that Dr Tran looks very grave and he finds himself remembering the years at his home where his father’s displeasure was conveyed first through pursed lips and blazing eyes. The harsh hands and belts came later. Right now, Dr Tran was not saying anything, but Cas couldn’t help shrinking into himself. He has done something very, very bad and Dr Tran is going to punish him for it or call it out.

“Mr. Collins, ... er may I call you Cas? Cas, my name is Kevin Tran and I have known Ellen and everyone she knows for the past five years. She is not only a patient but a friend as well, so I want to ask some question before I can move forward. Ellen had told me that you are currently the partner of Dean Winchester. Is that correct?” asks Tran.

Cas answers in a small voice, “Yes, we, Dean and I are together. Is there a problem Doctor?”

“Hmmm. Are you not sexually involved? Has there been no instance of any sexual intimacy between you two till now?” Tran plods on without answering Cas.

“Uh... no... I mean I gave him a blowjob the first day I met him but apart from kisses we never did anything else. Why are you asking me these questions? Please, what is the problem,” says a much shaken Cas he can clearly see that there is something going on from the questions being directed at him.

“Last question Cas, and I will let you know. Have you been engaging in sexual activities with other individuals than Dean since you two got together?” Cas starts at that, suddenly remembering the oldish guy Dean caught him with, who kept on saying that he is clean, that he is absolutely clean now.

Cas whispers, “I did some stuff for money at first but Dean told me to stop, so I stopped. Am I sick? Is there something wrong with me Doctor?”

Tran gives a big sigh at that. He rubs his neck and looks towards the door. Then straightening himself as if steeling himself he says, “Mr Collins, I regret to inform you that you have been found HIV positive. Your test results came earlier so we checked Mr Winchester as well. He however came clean. I am very sorry to let you know. No one else has been told. Please understand that there are options available by which you will be able to live a long and productive life. I have already registered you at our hospital. I have not told anyone, but I would advise you let some of your close friends know.”

Tears are rolling down Cas’ face as he cries silently, berating himself. He is of course sick. He remembers how his mother used to scream at the rallies she would take him to that ‘god hates fags’ and that ‘aids is god’s punishment for homosexuals’ and the lot. Cas is howling into his hands now. He is done, he has to leave, he can’t risk Dean like this, he has to go, and this hurts, this hurts that his mother was proven right in the long run, that running away from home was the worst mistake he could have done.

Dr. Tran is upset by the reaction Cas is showing and he cannot leave him be now. He immediately calls up Pamela to come to Cas’s room. He can see that Cas will need counselling and supervision. As soon as Pamela is inside, she goes to Cas and tries to soothe Cas unsuccessfully. Dr Tran meanwhile went to Ellen and pulling her to the side, told her everything. She is shocked, but doesn’t hesitate to go to Cas and pull him into her arms. At first Cas struggles, shouting how he is a piece of shit and nobody touch him, but he is a teenager too, and ultimately burrows into Ellen, crying sloppily and taking great shuddering breaths.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very sorry that I am not aware as to how the news of one's HIV status is intimated officially. There are a tons of mistake here. In case there are any glaring ones, please let me know and i will correct it. thank you for reading.


	11. Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are no happy endings. Only shinning happiness in scattered bouts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is mention of suicide attempts in this chapter so take care. Check out the tags once more as well.

It’s been five years since then. Cas and Dean are still going strong. Both went through almost aggressive therapy to overcome their own lives. They needed it. After learning that he was HIV positive, Cas made many suicide attempts, sure that it was the only way to keep Dean safe, because he refused to stay away, he still sought to kiss Cas and murmur words of love. And how dare Cas have those, he was unworthy, he was dirty. Each attempt ended with Dean crying and holding him and making him promise not to do anything again.

But Cas kept on trying to do away with himself. Till the last time, when he swallowed up a full bottle of medicines that he somehow managed to smuggle out from the hospital. Dean found him in mid throes of heaving. He was halfway down the bottle and his body protested. Dean did not say anything to him but taking the bottle, guzzled some of the pills himself. He began to push some more inside him with a gulp of whiskey he found nearby and Cas got scared. He got so scared that he slid on the floor to his mobile and called 911 and promptly lost consciousness.

They had to pump both of their stomach. Dean went under again for three days. When he woke up, he didn’t ask Cas never to do it again. He just climbed into his bed and shared his breath. Cas never tried to kill himself again.

Following the diagnosis, Cas had to make a lot of adjustment. He was fired, or rather removed from his job at The Roadhouse. Bobby took him up to his autoshop. Dean continued to work at the Roadhouse for a year after that. But then both got decided that they wanted to travel. When John died, it was found that he had a substantial amount in his name which he had merely refused to use for his boys. How he got the money was debatable, but after a few rounds by Sam, the money got equally divided between the boys. Sam saved his up for his marriage and Dean gave his to Ellen for safekeeping.

So when they did finally decided to do the road trip, both had enough money not to worry about the expenses, without the need to actually take up jobs on the way. At their farewell party, which was incidentally also the engagement party for Charlie, everyone had pooled together to gift Cas a camera and Dean lots of books and a music filled ipod. Sam, who came over with Jess to meet their friends gave Dean a picture that Dean didn’t even know Sam had, of Mary with both the boys. Dean cried over that one. To Cas, Sam gave a mighty hug that probably bruised his ribs and a letter. Cas never told Dean what was inside that envelope, but Dean found him a much openly happier man after that.

Cas took to clicking pictures in a big way. Throughout the road trip, Cas kept on clicking Dean’s picture. He also clicked a lots of pictures of the places they went by and the things that amazed him. When he came back, he showed some of them to the guys and they were very impressed. Charlie promised to get some of his good ones to a gallery and she did. They in fact sold for quite a tidy sum. So Dean decided that Cas would become a great photographer. So he pushed Cas to get photography classes and Cas became one of their best students. He was now a respected photographer in their small community and was usually reserved to click pictures of small children for his pictures always managed to hold their innocence so well.

Dean, while he was in therapy, started writing to vent and let his feelings of inferiority pulse. He found out that he liked writing. He also found out that he really liked writing science fiction. So he wrote things, many things, stories and novels and what not, of stars and space and aliens. He let Cas read some and Cas loved it. Encouraged by Cas, he started sending some of his stories to magazines and online places, and most of his work got accepted. He in fact got a cult following over his surreal stories of dragons that rescued princes from sun prisons and flowers that bloomed dreams.

Jo had taken over the Roadhouse. Ellen Ash and Andy were still around. Victor was actually teaching at the community college and Charlie was over the moon over the fact that her girlfriend was pregnant. Sam and Jess were married and everyone went, so that his side of the aisle was full as well. They very quickly had a daughter that they named Mary (Dean cried at that one too, although only before Cas). Cas was well in spite of his illness and refused to be give in. Dean loved him so much that words could never suffice. Cas felt the same.

These five years had been good ones. They even got a small house with a cat and a dog. Now only if the stubborn man would say yes to a burning question Dean had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it, my longest fic ever. hell the longest thing i have ever written maybe. I know i made a lot of mistakes so please forgive me for that. Thank you for reading, the amazing comments and the many kudos. Thanks for staying thru.

**Author's Note:**

> Unbetaed. updates for this one will be much quicker. Many characters have a late appearance but I have added them on for now. I will tag shit as the chapters progress so be sure to check them. Thank you for reading. Stuff in return much appreciated.


End file.
